So, we’ve arrived at December already. Can you believe it? The end of the year! It is a time that I can find at equal parts exciting and depressing, but perhaps this go-round will be more the former due to having so many good friends.

And family, of course. That’s many of us her in the States at least have just celebrated Thanksgiving. I’ve always wondered when exactly the holiday season starts, but this year I think it can definitely be said to have begun on Thanksgiving as it practically fell into December. So, happy holidays! I’m looking forward to celebrating Christmas in a few weeks.

As a bit of an aside, I don’t know if I have any practicing Jewish people reading this blog but it had to be kind of neat to observe the beginning of Hanukah at the same time. Some media types took to calling this supposedly very rare phenomenon Thanksgivukah. I wonder what’s with our penchant for smashing words together these days? I guess it’s a bit amusing.

Anyway, my Thanksgiving was a welcome respite from the drudgery of this job. As usual for me these days, I hopped the Amtrak train to Charlotte to visit my cousin and his wife along with my Aunt. My mom sisters, and some of my nieces and nephews also made an appearance at my youngest sister’s nice house for the big dinner.

I didn’t even eat half of what was on my plate, and yeah I’m kind of sad about that. I didn’t wanna force it though, and just consumed till I felt full. My folks love to pile it on! I did eat some meatballs with sauce, mac and cheese, (which I MUST have every year), broccoli casarole, a deviled egg, and I think some vegetables. I topped it off with a delicious piace of chocolate cake that I was told my mom baked mainly because she knew I would want it.

The next couple of days were a haze of sports-watching and just catching up with my cousin between plays/games. Did you see that crazy Alabama Auburn finish in what they call, for reasons I don’t know, the Iron Bowl? After having missed three (3!) field goals, Alabama decided that it’d be a good idea to try one from 56 yards to attempt avoiding overtime. I think they’d put in a different kicker for the 4th try, but in many ways that makes even less sense as he’s coming in cold. Anyway, the attempt fell well short, an Auburn player corraled it in the end zone and ran it all the way to the other end zone for the winning touchdown. I think that was the best, or craziest, college game I’ve ever seen.

I’m also happy that the Carolina Panthers (NFL) have won 8 straight games, vaulting all the way to 9-3 and now gaining a share of first place due to the New Orleans Saints getting pecked by the Seattle Seahawks. Carolina and New Orleans square off this coming Sunday in what is sure to be a showdown.

I watched this last, Carolina vs. Tampa Bay, with my cousin and his wife after going to church with them at Providence Road Church of Christ. The pastor gave an interesting sermon on the importance of not judging others, as the Bible says “lest yee be judged”. To underline his point, he brought some unsuspecting little kid up there and handed him a balon, which he then popped quickly with a pen. Unsurprisingly, the kid then became skittish of accepting any further baloons from him. The pastor said that judging others was like popping their metaphorical balloon, and would make them a lot less likely to listen to what you might have to say. It was a good service.

By Saturday, I began to develop what is a fairly regular cold that still persists. I think today is the worst of it, I hope it is!, as between sentences I forage for tissue and count myself fortunate to have recently bought a giant box of Klenex. I think I’m glad this didn’t happen at the time I’d be going to the feast, as it did in the crazy 2011 season.

And now it’s time to start thinking about what I’ll do for the two weeks this job will be shuttered, starting either on the 23rd or the 24th and lasting either till the 2nd of January or the 6th. They say they don’t know yet, as we may be so low on work that just taking the extra Monday prior to Christmas and Thursday/Friday after New Years would be warranted. I sure wish they’d make up their minds, as my plans hinge on the decision. If they say we must be there on the 23rd, I’ll have to show up. This wll create more of a challenge/expense in returning from my friend’s party that she’s having on the 21st. But, I don’t really know if the need to have time for orchestrating transportation and the like is occurring to anyone.

One thing I might do if I can sweet talk someone into lending a couch, is zip down to a warm-weather destination like Florida for at least a couple of days. But at this oint, that idea remains far-fetched. In any event, I will get a lot of reading and perhaps writing done with all that time.

So, how was your holiday? Do you have any exciting end-of-year plans? I’ll be back with more in the coming days, but shall now draw this stream-of-consciousness piece to a close.

This entry was originally to be posted on November 16, the actual anniversary.

Ah, ten years ago. How different was technology back then? Well, while some of the more upper echelon folks could do it, I certainly wasn’t able to compose an entry on a WiFi network at Starbucks with a machine I could carry in my bag. I had a big desktop tower under my table that was hooked to enough cordage to wrap around my apartment twice. At least the connection was high-speed by then.

Yep, it was ten years ago that I started my first ever blog at Life’s Little Surprises. Earthlink, the ISP with which I was paired at the time, used to send out weekly email newsletters advertising all sorts of things. This particular one suggested that individuals start a blog at Blogger, and given that I’d been doing my own private journaling since probably my 1990 flight to Los Angeles, I decided I’d take up the hobby.

I’d somehow chosen a template that didn’t include a comments section, and so I was pretty much talking to myself. Or at least, I couldn’t really hear from what audience I may have had unless people clicked on the little website I’d also created through Earthlink (It’s funny to think of how proud I was to be able to string four links and a message board that eventually got spammed to death together on that page).

Even so, I used that blog to give myself and others like me a voice in a way I’d previously not been able to do. I connected with a few other bloggers, griped and celebrated in equal measure about my favorite NFL team, the Carolina Panthers, and just generally noted my attempts at gaining a foothold in adulthood.

Sidenote: Speaking of the Panthers, I think we may be having the most successful season we experienced, if not since 03 then since 08. I’m hoping for a deep playoff run!

In Fall of 2004, I decided that I’d tired of not being able to really connect to other readers in the way that I wanted. Well that, and I seem to have lost the ability to log into my Blogger blog for some unknown reason. So, I opted into and created a Live Journal, entitling it AS IT HAPPENS . That title actually came from part of the text of my first ever entry.

That Live Journal was fantastic. It took nearly 2 years, but during LJ’s heyday of 06/08, I enjoyed a huge readership, lots of support, and opportunities to visit places such as Denver to actually meet one of my followers and assist her in completing a museum accessibility project. I think that period also coincided with the most travel I’ve ever been able to do, as I also visited Boston repeatedly, Louisville KY., Flint MI., and Madrid Spain. It really made me long for the jetsetting life.

The next major period in my life was that, um, interesting attempt at grad school, which I spoke of in a fairly recent entry. I ended up wishing I’d captured more of that experience, but I was just fighting for my life at that time in academic and financial terms.

I’d created a third blog called Hearing Change, Seeing Promise, in the late summer of 2011. It was an attempt to be a little more professional, but unfortunately I didn’t always achieve this standard. I certainly discovered how much the landscape had changed though, when I accidentally offended at least three professors when I spoke of them in less-than-desirable ways. That just made me aware that I need to think long and hard about what I’m saying and why, and as one of the professors said, if I have a grievance with them perhaps it’ll be better to talk about it with a friend in the hall.

I’d also used that blog to document my relocation to Durham, the Bull City, in early 2013. Sadly though, it is the only blog I had to basically delete due to being overrun by Spam. I wish I’d had the good sense to export the entries first, but at the time I was just upset because all of my work was being attacked in that way.

And that leads to my current WordPress blog. I feel that in general, I’ve created even better entries here than I had in all of my previous blogs combined. Not everyone is a gem though, including this one I think, but in each I do try to say something that I feel is important and advances the public’s understanding of persons with disabilities, our capabilities and challenges. I can’t exactly figure out how to post entries to the site in an easy way though, as I currently write them in Notepad, copy and paste to an email, send to myself, paste into the iPhone app, and put it up. I guess this solution works for now, but I do hope to learn to use WordPress more completely. I may take the CAVI class on it. The HTML class I’m taking at the moment is already helping me to learn how to build a website, as well as teaching me tips and tricks that I hope are making this blog look nicer. There is still much to improve, though.

So, I invite you to stick with me for another ten years. I can’t say I’m certain of where we’re traveling, but that is part of the fun.

Remember when I wrote about a revolutionary new iPhone app called Tap Tap See? It allows blind individuals to snap a picture of an object, and to have that object identified in a spoken prompt. I think they use a combination of human eyes and computer analysis to determine what might be in a particular picture, and they tend to be quite accurate.

Well, not surprisingly to me, they’ve now determined that the app can no longer be free if they wish to remain in business. They’ve opted to create a set of subcription plans: 1 that allows for 100 pictures for $7.95, and another with unlimited picture-taking for a month that costs $9.95.

Now, I understand a lot of the reaction. Many are a bit upset by this, feeling they’ve been denied a service that they have basically come to expect.

It’s probably analogous to what the newspapers are going through as they try to begin charging for their online content, after allowing free access during the early Internet glory days. As someone said in reference to that, and I suppose it’s applicable here: it’s difficult to put the toothpaste back into the tube.

Others say that the issue is that we’re having to pay for something, object recognition, that sighted people of course don’t have to cover. So, I’m going to respond a little to those particular sentiments.

Just as many argue with regard to newspaper, we have to continue to support the people who pour their efforts into creating, or allowing us to access, content. These things don’t just happen, and nothing is free. I’m going to support this app and the people who have worked hard to develop such a powerful yet very easy to use piece of software.

It marks the first time ever that I can collect my money from a cashier, move myself out of the flow of store traffic, and take pictures of each bill to ensure that they are as I think they are. Not that I’ve ever been stiffed by a cashier, and of course taking a picture may not always result in a perfect response, however it does significantly increase my confidence and thus my independence.

Second, to the issue of paying for things that most everyone has access to without so doing. Well, I actually have to pay about $15 a month in order to be able to hear. I usually buy about 3 packs of hearing aid batteries from our local drugstore, with such regularity that they actually stock them in bolt in order to give me a discount. Do I enjoy having to pay to hear? No, but I deem it something I must have.

I wouldn’t say that one has to have this app, but if you want to be able to take pictures and have them explained in this way, well…

Finally, and this is one I definitely understand, some have said they simply can’t afford it. Well I’m not a rich person, but I tell you what. If you have a hard time paying for that and write me privately, I’ll hit you up with an iTunes card. I know what it’s like to be that down, and believe I should help others because many helped me while I was there.

So those are my thoughts on this issue. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions as well, but I hope ultimately that we will continue to support this and similar projects that have the potential to improve the quality of life for persons with disabilities overall.

And in continuing to contemplate my next move, I must now do so in an even more literal sense. That’s because it’s coming time for me to decide whether to remain in this here apartment.

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here since January 25 already, just over nine months! For some reason, both Carrboro’s Estes Park Apartments, my previous residence, and Durham’s Duke Manor, where I stay now, require that one submit a notice of departure two months before the lease is up. I’m not sure what would happen if I don’t submit this and attempt to move anyway, but I probably shouldn’t find out.

So this means that right before Thanksgiving, I need to determine if I wish to remain here, and in all likelyhood with my current employer, for another year. I know that the latter will probably happen anyway, as it’s just taking a bit of time to really firm up my next path.

Someone has suggested that I look into working in a library. That could certainly be an interesting concept, but I’d like to speak with other blind people who have done so, if in fact there have been others in a library setting.

But I digress. I think the first thing to do in thinking about whether and where to relocate is to lay out the pros and cons of where I am at present. On balance, I guess this area isn’t too entirely bad.

Pros

1. Very affordable: Rent only $475 per month, highest electric bill was $102 and that’s only happened once.
2. Strong sense of community: I’ve often waxed on about my great neighbors, and especially the older woman who took me to the store and paid for many of my groceries that first week I was here with practically nothing. She’d do that for anyone, trust me. I’ve seen her do it.
3. An easily accessible bus stop to Chapel Hill: this could matter in the event that I begin doing something at UNC again. Of course I still half live in that area anyway, going there almost every other day after work and on weekends. Will probably do so less as it cools, but we’ll see.
4. A gas station/convenience store within walking distance: anyone who knows me knows I gotta have my pringles, brownies, snickers, and anything in that vain. All of the cashiers already know me so well that they often come running out of the door as I approach.

All good things, and many of them pretty surprising. This mostly because I moved into this place without having previously visited the place, something I said I’d never do again after my dicy experience moving into a complex way off of the bus line and full of half-crazed, tear the place down college students near UNC Charlotte. But because I was out in the coutry, I hadn’t had much choice.

Cons

1. Few if any sidewalks: and this is a big one! One that, had I reconoitered the place I may well have chosen not to move in. Little snippets of walk exist, meaning I must either hop into the grass or do a semidangerous tightrope in the shoulder while cars whiz by, oblivious to speed limit and speed bumps. I avoid grass, because while I like dogs, I’m not so fond of what they leave there and don’t wish to drag it into my apartment on my shoes.
2. A less accessible bus stop going in the other direction, toward Durham Station: this is because it requires one to cross a rather expansive thoroughfare that can be busy during peak traffic hours. Fortunately, it tends to be very lightly traveled at 5:20 in the morning when I use it, though.
3. A somewhat difficult to locate leasing office: well it’s basically a straightaway during which I can follow the curb. There are a couple of complex spots though where I must jump from one curb to another, and if I don’t hit it just right I’ll end up sailing down the wrong street. The iPhone and Ariadne GPS have helped re-orient me in that event.
4. A block of hard to reach restaurants: well I’ve walked up there with a sighted person, but she said that area is kind of built more for vehicular than pedestrian access. It’s too bad too, as they have a nice outdoor patio with tables that is wonderful during warm weather. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable crossing those parking lots with a busy street roaring just to my left.

So I suppose that by looking at my Cons list, I should be able to get a sense of what I’d like to be different or present in another complex. I could deal with a slight rent increase, though I’d probably not go up to like $850 per month. I don’t want to be struggling to get by, wondering how I’ll avoid late fees and feed myself. I’ve been there before.

I’d really like to find a place with more sidewalks, on the bus line of course, and hopefully within walking distance of stores and restaurants. I’ve been told by a couple of people that there are such places that’d charge about the same as I’m paying now. Would you happen to know about them, and if so could you pass that information over here? Thanks for any assistance.

Ah, I think I’ve finally reached the time of year where significant change must start. It arrives along with several other milestones that have in the past represented big changes as well.

First, it was roughly five years ago this week that I began my ill-fated trip to graduate school. Well I launched that process, anyway. My initial thought was to go into communication Studies, but I decided against that avenue for practical reasons. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to actually make a career out of it. In retrospect, that was probably a mistake.

So, I thought perhaps I could become a rehabilitation counselor of some sort, with an emphasis on serving clients with multiple disabilities, as I have. Good idea, I think, but unfortunately not enough passion to really carry it through. Or perhaps more not enough knowledge of what it really takes to make it through graduate school and into that competitive, challenging field. I always say I have a lot of respect for those who take working with their clients/consumers seriously and do it well.

And now, we’re revving up the engines again, this time with more support from family members and counselors at the North Carolina Division of Services for the Blind. I spoke with someone this week who is going to connect me with an individual to whom I can speak about my most ideal career option: Writing.

Practicalities there still make me nervous, but I feel good that the folks at DSB are at least allowing me to approach this with an open mind and decide if it will be in any way a viable option. I don’t have much time to waste, and I know that it is really important to make as sound a decision as I can going forward. That said, there is just no way to know exactly what will happen, even with the best planning.

To try and generate thoughts about which field I might like to enter at least until I have enough experience to do the writing thing on a professional level, I solicited my Twitter followers regarding some of their job titles. I also of course asked about passions. They include:

• Administrative Assistant
• Assistive Technology Teacher/Instructor
• Care Provider
• Customer Service Agent
• Darkroom Technician
• Digital Content Manager
• Domestic Engineer
• Mainframe Senior Systems Programmer
• Management Analyst
• Receptionist/Account Manager
• Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor
• Writer

I know I won’t end up doing most of this stuff, but still find it interesting to ponder. I could also plug some of these positions into a job database to come up with related fields, generating further ideas. And, if you wouldn’t mind adding your position to my list I’d very much appreciate it. If you want to do so in private and follow me, send a DM or a Facebook message to my inbox. Otherwise, you can email me at johnmill79 (at) gmail dot com.

As always, I write about my journey in the hopes that it will help others out as well. Things should get interesting soon, so stay tuned.

I recently came across an interesting article by NPR’s Code Switch blogger Kat Chow entitled Studying How the Blind Perceive Race. In it, she notes an individual who has carried out a research project collecting thoughts on ways that blind people are effected by and respond to racial differences. I would recommend reading it, so that you get a sense of what all I’m talking about, but I wanted to take a look at some of my own thoughts regarding this often polarizing and challenging subject. There are five main points, so I will post each and then make a few remarks.

The first is that individuals who are blind are inherently color blind as well. I had been, for much of my early childhood. Oh sure, I realized that some of my teachers spoke in a different way. I couldn’t quite figure it out though, was that just some sort of professional tone that needed to be adapted? If it were, then why didn’t all of my instructors use it. Mind you, I went to an elementary school attended and staffed by predominantly black and latino persons. Most of the White folks I knew at that age were my resource teachers, individuals who were brought in to make sure that my and other blind students’ needs were met as we attended mainstream classes.

“How do you feel about White people?” one of my sisters asked shortly after we relocated to a new neighborhood.

“About who?” I replied.

“White people, like some of your teachers and our neighbors.”

I’m pretty sure I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade at this time, and yet it was the first real exposure I even had to the concept of people actually looking different. I have of course since learned many things about the history of race and racism in this country, and while I hope we are getting to a point where there’s less of the latter, I don’t know if I could say we’ve reached color blindness yet.

As an example, I can talk about my experiences as they relate to the article’s second point: blind people make dating decisions based on their knowledge of another’s race. I have never actually dated an African American woman, and have only been in two serious relationships in total. There were some cultural issues, especially when I became involved with someone not from the US, but I was never treated in an overtly racist way.

However, as soon as I state that I have an interest in someone to others, the first question often still is: “Is she black?”

This somewhat saddens me, as I’ve always been one to approach everything with an open mind. I want the person I end up being with to have chosen me, and I her, based on mutual interest, commonalities, differences that we actually enjoy, and the like. While I acknowledge that cultural, and yes racial,background do play a part in these, I think that to say I’d only date a black woman, or that I’d only not! Date a black woman, would impoverish my life greatly.

(As an aside, I’ve never felt someone’s hair specifically to get an idea of their possible racial/ethnic background, though I’ve been surprised by some people’s hair given their speech.)

That last leads to the article’s third point: that speech doesn’t necessarily tell you to which racial group one belongs.

I think maybe it did moreso many years ago. I remember being a kid, and listening to my dad watch the Tar Heels game. He’d often say “C’mon Naw-ca-lann-ah!”

Naw-ca-lann-ah? I thought for the longest time that was another state somewhere.

And I know I’m not the only one who grew up saying “Mama, I want some mo!,” or, “can I get something out the figerator?” I don’t know, maybe kids still say that somewhere.

I’ve been surprised to discover that certain individuals were indeed African American, for instance when I lived in Southern Pines North Carolina, where many sound similarly country. Two teachers worked together in the disabilities room and got along great.

“Yeah, we call ourselves sisters, Ebony and Ivory,” one quipped.

“Wait, who’s ebony,” I asked, causing them both to giggle.

“You didn’t know I was black?” she drawled. Nope, I’d never guessed.

This brings us to the fourth point, which is that perhaps blind folk could be racist toward a group to which they actually belong. I’d say that is probably unlikely, given that unless one has been adopted into a family of an entirely different cultural background or perhaps just not exposed to his or her parents for some reason, the individual should have over the course of life with the family discovered enough about the basics to know of which group they are apart. But, maybe amusingly, probably sadly, one could befriend another not knowing that they are of a disliked racial/ethnic background.

As the article points out, racism is just as prevalent in the blindness community as it is in the rest of society. This is because hatred or fear of others is usually passed down by family members. Certainly people can and do overcome these influences to an extent, but if they are hammered home early they often remain engrained in a person’s psyche.

And the final point is that blind people have a way of creating their own type of visual of a person’s race. I admit to doing this, based on a combination of factors: texture of hands, sound of voice, use of dialect, among other things. Even with all of this information, I’ve sometimes just been plain wrong. I think that with everyone being more or less exposed to the same content, especially within the U.S, things are standardizing in such a way that it really is becoming harder to tell. And of course, there are many cases in which people don’t fit neatly into one category.

Many have asked me about my thoughts and experiences on this topic, but I’ve rarely had a good way to articulate them. My favorite thought is that people are people, no matter their skin color and/or other attributes. However, I acknowledge, and celebrate, that there are differences among us, for these differences are what make us human. I think if we could ever learn to stop fighting about this and just embrace and enjoy it, then our human experience would be all the richer. I am aware though that this remains wishful thinking, and may always be.

In the most recent Weekend Edition Sunday (NPR), host Rachel Martin did a number of stories about sleep. Do we get enough of it? Why do we need it. What is the purpose of dreaming?

I never really do get enough, but find it somewhat odd that September seems to be the most difficult month in which to grab shut-eye, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Take a look at Twitter on any given night during this fine month, and you’re likely to see half of your timeline still awake after 2 AM, bemoaning the fact that work the next day will be difficult to impossible.

I know at this time last year, I had some nights that were so devoid of sleep that I actually worried I might have some sort of medical difficulties. I am of course very happy that none of that came to pass, and that my challenge now is to simply maintain enough hours to stay within this early work schedule. I can’t help but to wonder if its lacking contributes to the too-high unemployment rate among many blind folks?

I wrote a piece back in 2010 that explored the how’s and why’s of sleep and its lacking particularly among this group. I kind of wanted to participate in the study that major drug company was conducting, but was afraid I’d find it hard to keep up the fairly strict regimen that was demanded of participants. I also worry about becoming dependent on a pill in that way, although it could be that feeling so tired during the day is making it harder for me to remain as productive as I should be. This last is why I’ve picked up the, perhaps bad, habit of going for a cup of coffee after I get off, not every day but fairly regularly.

While most aspects of sleep drive me a bit crazy and I wish it could be removed with my still being able to function, I do enjoy dreams. I think someone on that Weekend Edition program said that it’s like having a director, film-writer, and actors all in your head, and I very much agree. It’s a movie!

I’ve sometimes dreamt of another verse to a song I and my cousins were in the process of writing, during our o-so-fun days as a singing group. I need to write up another post about those days though, as my last got swallowed in the death of my previous blog. Anyway, I’d wake up and have to pound on the keys so hard and fast my fingers hurt, before those words slipped away.

I’ve also had an NLS (National Library Service for the Blind) narrator read an entire chapter of a book that didn’t exist. On waking, I tried to figure out how I could tap into that creativity.

Sleep is something I think about, struggle with, and just learn to do the best I can on a daily basis. To what extent would you say you get enough, or don’t? How do you cope with the demands of work and school when sleep fails you? I need effective strategies.